Contributed by: Suvarchala Narayanan

Get to know Suvarchala: who is a writer and lives for love

Story from: Goa, India

Have you ever had that feeling that there was another kind of living to be had, an invisible alternative existence, running parallel to the one you’re unthinkingly sauntering along in? You catch glimpses of it from time to time, and it’s implications take your breath away- both in awe & inexplicable fear.

There have been a few of those moments in my life, the first of which was in my A Level Physics class, witnessing the double slit experiment to demonstrate light's paradoxical manifestation as a wave & a particle. That was the first time I’d experience what I call “the float”- a breathlessness akin to when you unexpectedly come face to face with the person you’ve been fantasizing about- and weightlessness, as for a moment, you lose your paradigmic footing.

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But it was not till I was standing in front of my first Jackson Pollock painting, tears streaming down my face and feeling like I was being let into a long forgotten secret that I started to pay attention to a subtle nudge inside of me. I’d never really gotten into art before this, and so my reaction to Pollock surprised me enough to dive into his world, where I discovered Surrealism. When I first read Mary Ann-Caws introduction to Surrealist love poems, I got on the phone to E and shouted excitedly “ I’m not weird, I’m a surrealist lover. So it’s not just me”. I’d finally found a tribe. And they loved just like me.

Since everyone’s life is black & white, search for another life made from the radiance of God’s light

Love is the most overused word in our world, and yet there are only a few accepted ways of loving. When a new person enters your life, he/she is quickly judged and entered into one of several culturally conditioned & sanctioned boxes, labeled “friend”, “sex”, “spouse” and a few variants of those. The purpose of a label is multi-fold. It is universally understood, contains unspoken rules, and it creates externally imposed, clearly delineated boundaries. It saves you from thinking. It also robs all opportunity for nuance and exploration. It leaves no space for mystery, and there can be no magical living without the presence of mystery. But for most of us who learnt about the version of love taught by churches, scriptures, and cultural norms, we were also taught to fear mystery and uncertainty. Today, we don’t question our miserly notion of love-built on the idea of scarcity, barricaded by fear and guarded jealously by the era’s prevailing morality.

Our idea of love today, is well described by Aragorn from Lord of the Rings when he says “It is but a shadow and a thought that you love.”

In all spiritual beliefs, love is what melts fear, but our love today is the sum of our insecurities, fears and expectations. We love so that we may fill the void inside of us, we love in hope that it will take us from a pain-filled past to a brighter future, we love so that we may lose ourselves in another. Love then, becomes a way to escape ourselves and the terror of looking inside.

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But I’ve lived another version. Where love is not necessarily something to be sought and then fiercely guarded, but invited in by a playful heart and held in open hands.....many many times.

Which brings me back to the Surrealists. Surrealists loved love, loved desire and didn’t seem to make a distinction between the two. Surrealists preferred a vision of desire as an active, ever-creative force, to a concept of desire founded on the notion of lack.

They help you see the magical in the everyday, and ordinary moments are capable of being transcendental-if you allow them to be.

The enduring image of turning a street corner and finding mad love, celebrating & desire in a world that views love as a linear progression from courtship to church, the intentional allowing of something wonderful to enter, stay and leave, and be forever touched & scarred by that interlude. But it is the fear of the scar that keeps us shrouded in a cage of self-protection. Maybe less pain will come through in that cage, but then so will less ecstasy.


But how would we love if we faced our fears? If our lover’s role was less Xanax and more ayuahaska. Could we then as Khalil Gibran said, allow love to be a moving sea between the shores of our souls? Free, unrestricted, joyous- because our inherent belief would be in the abundance of love, not it’s scarcity.

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I became a surrealist lover when I first met Anor’s gaze across a room full of our film’s cast & crew. There was that quiet flare of shy recognition and slowly, the acknowledgement that we were witness to a very ancient spell. The magic was there for everyone to see, and yet our first instinct was to move away from each other.

But like a tidal wave, we crashed back together and all our efforts at control & common sense were rent futile. When we gave up the “future”, we entered the moment and were transformed. I had surrendered the need to control, to have it be and go my way. Against all advice to restrain my emotions, to hold back, protect myself, I listened to my heart and gave in.

Fully. I loved him with everything I had and opened myself to an unimaginable bliss. And we did this by being fully present to every moment together. When you love like this, without the perceived security of a lifetime with this person (which we never have with anybody anyway), there is a deep mindfulness that seeps into your togetherness. Every moment is hewed together by intense joy & piercing sadness.
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And when you begin to define love as being present to the moment’s experience, and living every shade of that experience fully, there is no future to guard, and no loss to fear. Loving and letting go of Anor cracked open my heart and vision, and love started to come at me from everywhere.

It came almost immediately as K. If I didn't believe in crazy love around the corner, I wouldn't have flown to another continent on a blind date, armed with a box of mangoes and trust.

If we didn’t play by the rules, and love didn’t evoke fear-either of losing the other or losing ourselves, then we could truly start to play. When you liberate love from the confines of a script and let it be the improv play it’s meant to be, then it starts to closely resemble the spirit (according to Tantric Hinduism) in which the Universe is said to be created –through Lila, or Divine play.

You’re like a bizzare bird In the shell of the body’s egg. You can’t fly because you’re inside
But when this egg is crushed, You’ll fly free and save your soul” -The Eggshell of the Body, Rumi

Hi Everyone!

This is Aida, Founder of 365 Days of Love <3

First, a big thank you to Suvarchala for sharing her story. It was such a beautiful reminder of how fear is our biggest barrier to love and when we truly let go of fear, love comes at us from all corners.

Second a big thank you to YOU for reading this and taking the time to care for yourself, your heart and your life. If you enjoyed this and have a story or thoughts on love that you would like to share please get in touch (button below). We have 349 more articles to share and we hope to hear from you!

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With Lots of Love,

Aida

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