Contributed by: An anonymous woman
Story from: Amman, Jordan
Growing up around the world, with a loving family and all the money I needed, I never thought I would end up in an unhappy marriage broke. Today I am 55 years old and I sit back writing, wondering how did I end up here? What went wrong along the way?
I know I have plenty to be grateful for, like my 3 sons who have each grown to be incredible human beings. I at 55 years old still have my mother living, which I am deeply grateful for. But I still walk everyday a shadow of myself and I don’t know how to break out of this. This story is not a happy love story rather it is just real one that I hope helps you to pick the right person to marry because I truly hope you don’t end up where I am today.
When I met him he was the player and the big shot man every woman wanted (or should I say a certain type of woman). I was not particularly interested in him because I saw how men like him carried big egos. I was raised by a father who carried himself like a saint, never harming people along his way and always asking how can he help.
My soon to be husband was persistent in getting to know me. I had everything, looks, big heart, great clothes, strong family reputation (which is important for Arabs), and was a good girl (something Arab men are known for doing to have fun with other girls but end up marrying the good girl).
Somehow during his persistence he felt right and we ended up getting married within 3 months. It all happened so quickly. Fast forward 30+ years of marriage this is the advice I have to give to young women and men around the world thinking to get married:
Anger: My husband has anger issues and while I was getting to know him I chose to ignore the signs. His anger has led to physical abuse to myself and my children. I put this as #1 thing to look out for because an angry person makes like miserable and scary.
Religion: To cope with his anger I turned deeper to religion but he did not approve. So I hid myself even more and slowly became more of a shadow of myself. So as you choose who you want to marry ask yourself honestly are you on the same page? and if you are not then will he support you and allow you to be?
Money/Business: I grew up wealthy and thankfully comfortable. Having never lived without money I did not imagine I would but with my husband I did. Turns out he was a terrible business man and had an even worse handle on money. This brought pain not just to me, my parents (since we borrowed so much from them) but to my children who grew up without living comfortably as I have. So as you choose your partner, it is important to observe can they handle the real world and the real world involves money?
Equality: Does he listen to your opinion and values your opinion equally to his. It is easy for the man to please you when he is courting you but when he has you will he continue to do so? Mine did not and now I have less of a voice in the family compared to him.
Extended Family: Are his/her family a reflection of who you want to be associated with? There are true exceptions where the child is different from their parents but very often they are the same. So be aware and honest is this family the family you would love to see? If I was paying attention I would have seen all the red flags in his family and in him and probably would have lived a very different life.
I know that things happen for a reason and to be honest I do not think I have the courage to leave him but I hope that these words help you find a better husband and take a better decision than I did.
With Love and Appreciation,
This is Aida, Founder of 365 Days of Love <3
Thank you to the woman in Jordan. I am grateful for your courage for sharing your story and lessons learnt. I certainly learnt a lot and will use your points for my future love.
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With Lots of Love,