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Your Inner Bully: Day 21 of 365 Days of Love

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Your Inner Bully: Day 21 of 365 Days of Love

Bullies are everywhere, found in all ages and shades. No one enjoys being bullied which brings me to the increasingly shocking trend of us being our biggest bullies in our lives.

We allow for our internal bully to say all kinds of negative talk from "You are so fat", "Who are you to be loved?", "You are nothing", "You will forever be alone", "You are a failure" and the list goes on. But I take it as a fact that this kind of thinking does no benefit to any one in this world. So on day 21 we dived in a bit deeper on facing your inner bully. 


Since I launched 365 Days of Love 20 days ago I have received many messages from men and women saying they don't believe they deserve love, why would love find them and who are they to find an amazing love. I was saddened by this and shocked from the beautiful people who told me but also related to it deeply because I had those thoughts myself and not so long ago. 

But this internal revolution has made me realize that this negative talk is not conducive to anyone - not yourself, your family, your loved ones and even strangers.

We are all different yet individually special.

We are all different yet individually special.

Every one of us is special and embodies a unique kind of love that cannot be replicated by any one else. Do you believe it? Do you feel it? and do you share that special love that is only found in you with the world? 

These questions remind me of my favorite quote in the world that says there is nothing great created by diminishing how great you are: 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Today wherever you are, whatever you may be doing, whatever state you may be in take a moment to reflect on what you inner bully is saying and get to know why is he/she saying that then finally guide it to love. Guiding it to love makes space for:

self-love first

ability to better absorb love from everyone around you and

most importantly for you to share your special love with the world.

Finally I leave you with a piece from one of the Muslim American Faces interviews with Tarek who talks about his inner bully and how he has tackled it. I hope he inspires you as he has inspired me to take a closer look inside and get things straight with my inner bully.

“I used to be an extremely shy person. I wouldn't even maintain eye contact. If I was at work and had to make a phone call, I'd be nervous. It took me being cognizant of the fact that if I wanted to achieve my goals and live up to the idea of who I wanted to be, my shyness was holding me back in life.    I realized the reason why I was shy was a lack of self-confidence. Then I realized that – and I'm not trying to toot my own horn here – I'm smart. I can carry conversations and get along very nicely with people. I think people can enjoy my company. There was no reason why I didn’t have that self-confidence. So it started with believing in myself.    The biggest thing I did was a ‘face-your-fear’ type of thing with public speaking and having proper conversations with people where I respected them by maintaining eye contact. Now, public speaking is not an issue. I've emceed events, and I recently emceed a fundraising event where we raised about $60,000. I've become so comfortable in these things that I don't even give them a second thought anymore.    It took me about five to six years to get to this point. It took some time, practice, and self-awareness. It didn't happen overnight. Every time I noticed myself not maintaining eye contact or being shy, I would remember why I had decided to face these fears. I was the one holding myself back, nobody else was. It was just a matter of shutting up that inner bully.    Have I reached the point where that inner bully is gone? No, I don't think so. He's still there. I still have those moments of thinking maybe I'm not good enough, but they are far and few in between. And my goal this year is to get rid of that inner bully.” - Tarek

“I used to be an extremely shy person. I wouldn't even maintain eye contact. If I was at work and had to make a phone call, I'd be nervous. It took me being cognizant of the fact that if I wanted to achieve my goals and live up to the idea of who I wanted to be, my shyness was holding me back in life.

I realized the reason why I was shy was a lack of self-confidence. Then I realized that – and I'm not trying to toot my own horn here – I'm smart. I can carry conversations and get along very nicely with people. I think people can enjoy my company. There was no reason why I didn’t have that self-confidence. So it started with believing in myself.

The biggest thing I did was a ‘face-your-fear’ type of thing with public speaking and having proper conversations with people where I respected them by maintaining eye contact. Now, public speaking is not an issue. I've emceed events, and I recently emceed a fundraising event where we raised about $60,000. I've become so comfortable in these things that I don't even give them a second thought anymore.

It took me about five to six years to get to this point. It took some time, practice, and self-awareness. It didn't happen overnight. Every time I noticed myself not maintaining eye contact or being shy, I would remember why I had decided to face these fears. I was the one holding myself back, nobody else was. It was just a matter of shutting up that inner bully.

Have I reached the point where that inner bully is gone? No, I don't think so. He's still there. I still have those moments of thinking maybe I'm not good enough, but they are far and few in between. And my goal this year is to get rid of that inner bully.” - Tarek


Thank you to Muslim American Faces for documenting an important story on inner bullies and to Tarek for his vulnerability and strength. We need more men and frankly women who recognize their inner bullies and have the courage to face them and say no - I am special.

With Lots of Love,

Aida

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