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Is Love in a Marriage the Ultimate Kind of Love?: Day 32 of 365 Days of Love

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Is Love in a Marriage the Ultimate Kind of Love?: Day 32 of 365 Days of Love

Contributed by: Anonymous woman

Story from: Canada

When I was a kid, I fell in love with the idea of marriage and of having a husband. I truly thought marriage equals love and love is marriage. And that's all the love I'll ever need to feel whole.


As I grew into a teenager and an adult I daydreamed of myself waiting for my future husband in our future home wearing a sexy dress with perfect hair, skin and makeup while also having a meal prepared on our future dining table. I fell in love with that idea.

I was preparing myself to be a perfect wife.

I learned how to cook, I searched for the best ways to please my future husband in bed and I searched for sexy outfits to wear. I also made sure I always dressed modestly and looked like a perfect innocent girl while I was out in the world. I didn't talk to too many guys because my future husband wouldn't be happy with it. I saved my intimate self, my virginity and made sure I was pure for him. That's all I focused on as a teenager and in my early 20's. I was ready and determined that getting married and having kids were my ultimate goals in life.

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It's not until I actually got married that I realized how stupid and naive it was for me to build myself to be the perfect wife instead of me building myself to be the best version of myself. I didn't love myself. I was full of insecurities. I was defined by how people, specifically men, perceived me.

When I got married, I was on full service duty. I did everything and enjoyed it. I acted dumb. I acted cute. I acted sexy. I just did everything I thought men would like. I was obedient. I listened and did not argue. I followed directions without thinking. I stayed small and didn't cause any trouble. Even with me basically being a servant, my husband didn't seem happy and was becoming more disconnected and distant everyday . I felt like something was missing.

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WHAT WAS MISSING?


I eventually found out that my husband was having extra marital affairs and my life CRUMBLED! How could this be? How? I prepared for this man almost all my life. I prepared myself to be the best goddamn wife a man can ever ask for. How can he do this? My heart broke and shattered to pieces. My whole reality was shook. Why was I told all my life since I was a kid that I needed to be a perfect girl so that I’m marriage material.



Why was the whole focus of my growth to be the best wife?

Why wasn't I told to pursue my dreams?

To love myself?

To enjoy life?

Why was I told that I had to save myself for this one man?



I wasn't allowed to travel or do a lot of things until I got married. What kind of life is that? Why do some parents teach their daughters that their only goal in life is to get married, have kids and take care of their homes? To strive to serve and please? What happens to us girls/women? We eventually lose ourselves. We wake up years later questioning where our time has gone? And what have we done with all that time and with ourselves?

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Now that I am years away from the traumatic experience of infidelity, I can say that God put me in that position to teach me a lesson. And that lesson is:


I am not on this earth to serve people. Losing yourself in someone else isn't love. The only love that will never hurt is the love of God and love of thyself.


I learned the hard way that I needed to love myself and needed to take care of myself. That I needed to have my own ambitions, own goals, and own opinions. It's okay for me to fight for what I want. It's okay for me to speak up. It's okay for me to advocate for myself.

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It took hard work to get to where I am today. I will no longer disrespect myself. I will no longer hate myself. I will no longer act dumb. I will no longer SHUT UP. I will no longer be taken advantage of. I am a woman with a voice. I am a powerful woman. I am a women with passion, ambition and goals. I believe in myself more than I ever have. This heartbreak made me put myself on a pedestal above anyone else in my life because without taking care of me and making myself whole, I don't have much to offer this world.

With all that said, learning self love and compassion has healed me, lots of work from both sides and personal development. I am still married to the man that hurt me and we have never been happier.


Don't ever lose yourself.

Don't ever live your life for someone else.

Don't ever prepare yourself for someone that you'll meet in the future.

Work on yourself to become the person that you would be proud of in the future.

Love yourself because to be honest, you can't love anyone more than you love yourself. If you want to deeply love the people around you, then you must first deeply fall in love with yourself.



With Love,

Anonymous  


Hi Everyone!

This is Aida, Founder of 365 Days of Love <3

First, a big thank you to the inspiring woman for sharing her story. This story hit my heart so deeply I teared multiple times because for many years I thought my purpose and my self needs to be molded into making my future man happy and I forgot myself along the way. As this beautiful woman says you . are . enough. Love yourself first. then all else will follow.

Second a big thank you to YOU for reading this and taking the time to care for yourself, your heart and your life. If you enjoyed this and have a story or thoughts on love that you would like to share please get in touch (button below). We have 333 more articles to share and we hope to hear from you!

SUBSCRIBE/SHARE HERE.

LETS INVEST IN LOVE ONE STORY AT A TIME TOGETHER.

With Lots of Love,

Aida








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Smile Because It Happened: Day 31 of 365 Days of Love

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Smile Because It Happened: Day 31 of 365 Days of Love

Contributed by: Anonymous woman (We will name her Leila for this article)

Story from: Canada

This began as a story about love. About the amazing experience that was my first time falling in love. But we ended before I had the chance to say I love you, and I agonized over the question: how can the story just end?

Eventually, I remembered the lesson that I have forgotten time and time again:

everything happens for a reason.


God has a plan, and something else is out there. Not someone, per se; rather there are life experiences and opportunities waiting for me to open the door and breathe in deeply. I will realize, in those moments, “this is what I was waiting for!” although I didn’t know I was waiting for anything.

At this point, I can’t imagine something else, but that’s why we have faith. To give us comfort in knowing that

“what was meant for me will never miss me, and what misses me was never meant for me.” To reassure us that things will always work out for the best.



Maybe, this is as much a story of faith as love.

 

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I decided years ago that I would rather never marry than marry someone I didn’t love. My friend disagreed: “I would marry someone I didn’t love, if he was a good person and we were compatible. You can learn to care for someone.”

Partly, I was naïvely hopeful. I had set the bar high, and I would wait for my Prince Charming.

Partly, I was driven and independent. I had so many career interests that I knew I would be both happy and fulfilled pursuing my passions.

Partly, I was cynical about dating, relationships, love, etc. I told my parents: “I’m never getting married. Don’t ask me about boys.”

That changed one semester, when I learned to believe in love.

 

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I first met him in the library at 3 AM. When he asked if I write for the school newspaper, I smiled, always pleased to be recognized from my byline. “Yes! You read the newspaper?”

My sleep-deprived brain later made the connection. The previous summer, I had written the front-page story on Mohammed Ali’s life, legacy, and passing, which was accompanied by a full-sized picture. My classmate reached out to me with this message: “My roommate has your article on his wall. He said to give you a shout-out for writing about Mohammed Ali.”

This was the roommate! My article was hanging on his wall. If that doesn’t say soul mates, I don’t know what does.

The following semester, we began seeing each other around campus. Something clicked – I can’t explain it, but we just had this amazing connection. He knew all the right things to say. He read my articles and quoted them to me. He talked about International Women’s Day.

I wanted to know him.

I am a strong independent woman, I tried to convince myself, and this is the 21stcentury. I know what I want, and I should do something about it. So I summoned all my courage and asked him out.

We went for coffee, our first date, on my birthday weekend. I was so nervous. But he made me feel comfortable. He was romantic, insisting on buying cake to celebrate my birthday. We talked like we had been waiting forever to know each other.

We entered a long-distance relationship almost immediately, as his internship took him to California when I returned to school the following month. Even so, the semester that followed was the happiest of my life. My stress levels decreased drastically. I was confident. My average improved. And I landed my dream internship.

To quote Cher from Clueless, I was “sublimely happy”. There was no space left for stress or anxiety. My heart was full.

I know that happiness comes from within, and that another person can’t give it to you. But he made me happier than I had ever imagined was possible. He made problems disappear. I felt like the world was draped in a new colour, and I basked in the glow of my emotions. It was magical, falling in love.

Still, distance took its toll.

I broke up with him. The short version of the story: I felt he could not make time for me; if this was a problem already, it would only be exacerbated with time. When we met for the first time after months, I was already upset, thinking about the possible outcome of this conversation.

We talked for a long time, and he was so good about it. He told me, “do what makes you happy.” Maybe I should have taken that as a sign – he would do anything to make me happy, including letting me go.

He let me go.

For days, I cried and watched Mamma Mia! on a loop. I didn’t eat or sleep. I remember thinking, I’ll never be able to listen to ABBA again.

By the time I stopped crying, I knew I had made the wrong decision. I knew it was my fault. I tried to talk to him, but he told me that I was right. That he can’t prioritize me. That he isn’t at a point in his life to be able to maintain a relationship.

Although I was the one to initiate the breakup, I couldn’t come to terms with it.

 

*          *          * 

It’s been two and a half months.

I considered praying istikhara, asking God to give me guidance. But istikhara should be prayed with an open mind, willing to accept any guidance. And I wasn’t ready to hear that we have no future.

Until a couple weeks ago, when I had an epiphany.



I think God gave him to me at a time in my life when I needed someone.



Last semester, I spent a lot of time by myself. I lived alone, I studied alone, and I spent Ramadan breaking my fast alone. I remember my mom saying tearfully when she dropped me off at the airport, “Call me often. I know that your friends won’t be on campus with you this term.” It was true – most of my friends were interning that summer.

But I was okay, because I had him. He was a blessing, and I was so grateful.

People come in and out of your life for a reason. I don’t need to understand why he’s gone now, because I know why he came. Although we had a short amount of time together, those months made a world of difference to me. For my school, career, mental health, self-esteem, and general happiness.

I am reminded of a Dr. Seuss quote that I have always loved:

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Now that I have gotten past the hurt, I am smiling.

With Lots of Love,

Leila*


Hi Everyone!

This is Aida, Founder of 365 Days of Love <3

First, a big thank you to the inspiring woman Leila for sharing her story. My favorite message was how powerfully intertwined are faith and love. Thank you Leila, you are a beautiful soul and you deserve so much love in this world and I have full faith that you will get it starting with yourself.

Second a big thank you to YOU for reading this and taking the time to care for yourself, your heart and your life. If you enjoyed this and have a story or thoughts on love that you would like to share please get in touch (button below). We have 334 more articles to share and we hope to hear from you!

SUBSCRIBE/SHARE HERE.

LETS INVEST IN LOVE ONE STORY AT A TIME TOGETHER.

With Lots of Love,

Aida

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