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Post-College Heartbreak: Day 8 of 365 Days of Love

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Post-College Heartbreak: Day 8 of 365 Days of Love

Contributed by: Brenda Lozano, Program Analyst and Beauty Influencer

Get to know her on instagram: @BellaBeauty808

Story from: Hawaii


Post-College Heartbreak




I still remember the first time I saw him on my university campus. It was 2006, my freshman year. Shaun* (name has been changed) captured my attention with his stature and big muscles. He had a presence about him that you couldn’t miss him if you tried. As soon as I saw him in COM 101 I knew I had to introduce myself. 

After class ended, I speed walked to talk to him and within a week we were inseparable. My family had moved off of the island and he was a transfer from California. After a few short months, Shaun became my family. I shared my deepest secrets with him, we had inside jokes, sang to each other, complained about different classes, and just about everything else. Every guy on campus envied him and my friends wished they had a relationship like ours. 

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Of course, as mature as I like to think we were, we weren't. I craved attention and neglected friendships. And Shaun? He wasn’t perfect either. He had a temper at times and girls flirted with him left and right. But we were two young college kids in love. It was us against the world.

My birthday always fell during spring break in Hawai’i. During my birthday week, days shy of my 21st birthday I was upset with him. He had kept something from me and we got into an argument. I went to his place a day after our argument and had a bad attitude with him as I will still upset. In a split second, Shaun lunged at me and raised his hand, as if to hit me.

I will never forget the terror and adrenaline that ran through my veins.

My 5’4 160 lbs self versus his 6’6 225 lbs stature was quite the difference. He could have severely injured me. As soon as I could get out of his apartment, I did. I ran for about 2 blocks with tears streaming down my face and my hands balled up into fists. I had never felt so afraid. 

Eventually I made it back to my dorm room and he apologized shortly after. We stayed together for several more years after that. We met each others families, discussed marriage, broke up and got back together. I knew it was over long before it was over. There were so many times when it should have ended. 

During the last few weeks of my junior year, I had a mental breakdown and he abandoned me afterwards (a clear sign he was not the right man for me, as if the abuse was not enough of a sign). But for some young naive reason I stayed in a relationship with him and after graduation when I got a job in northern California it made sense for us to move together but he said it wasn’t the right time for us to do so.

So we had a long distance relationship and he never came to visit me (another clear sign I should have picked up on). I cried myself to sleep for many nights during that time thinking love shouldn’t hurt this way. But I held on to our relationship like a lifeline. Why?

I held on because it was routine.

It was comfortable despite all of the heartbreak.



It was February 2013 and I had just gotten back from visiting Shaun. A week or so after my visit he sent me a text message in the middle of my workday breaking up with me. I was devastated. My stomach churned and my heart shattered. I immediately texted him back and received no response. After work, I called and called to no avail. He shut me out. Threw me away like a piece of trash. 

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The year after the break-up was HARD. There were many nights where I called him and of course, he would not pick up.  I'd then leave tearful voicemail messages hoping he’d hear them and call me back. I lost myself in pain and wallowed in it. I became bitter and distrustful of men. I couldn’t express true happiness for my friends in happy healthy relationships. I did not recognize the person I had become. 

Eventually, I got to a point where I had to find healing and closure.

This journey to healing wasn’t easy and I still find myself on it. After Shaun completely shut me out, I wished so many bad things upon him. I knew I was on my way to true healing when I wished pure happiness for him.

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As for me, I am happy most days. Some days I think of him, if only briefly. Other days, my brain betrays me and I dream of him. When I am feeling a strong sense of pity for myself, I think that I had my chance at love and blew it. Most days though, I think about the future and envision a love so great that I couldn’t dream it if I tried.

So for now, I am trying to become the best version of myself. I fail myself often, but every day I work at it. I know I have to keep practicing true love towards myself.

I know that only when I can truly love myself is when I will attract the love I hope to find and deserve.

I also am practicing patience. Patience with myself and patience that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. It would be easy for me to regret all of those years with Shaun. To be completely honest I sometimes feel I wasted the best years of my youth with him but I know, without Shaun I wouldn’t have been able to dig myself out of that dark and painful place. So today, I thank him because I learned so much about myself and so much about I will not tolerate in a relationship. I learned that our relationship was far from healthy and there is a very big difference between love and lust. 

Taking a step back and reflecting I find myself asking the question: What is the definition of love? Does anyone know? After Shaun and after everything I went through, I think love is resilient, steadfast, truthful, respectful, comforting, tender, loyal…and that’s just the shorthand version. One day I hope and pray love finds me; And when that day comes, I hope I am ready to receive it whole-heartedly and I hope you do too.

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*Name has been changed


Hi Everyone!

This is Aida, Founder of 365 Days of Love.

First, a big thank you to Brenda for sharing her story. I related to her on so many levels and am inspired by her resilience, strength and acceptance. I can’t wait till I celebrate the man you choose but until then I am honored to celebrate YOU today and every day.

Second a big thank YOU for reading this and taking the time to care for yourself, your heart and your life. If you enjoyed this and have a story or thoughts on love that you would like to share please get in touch (button below). We have 357 more articles to share and we hope to hear from you!

SUBSCRIBE TO THE STORIES HERE.

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Never Give Up: Day 4 of 365 Days of Love

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Never Give Up: Day 4 of 365 Days of Love

Welcome to 365 days of love! If you’ve been following the daily stories, welcome back! If this is your first time reading, amazing to have you and welcome! Here is the brief intro to what we are doing here, but essentially I (and hopefully you by sharing your stories) are sharing one story a day for the next year to show incredible ways we could meet the love of our life as well as share insights on the thing we all crave the most as humans - Love. Why? Because we want to be the people who invest in possibilities rather than impossibilities (as well as increase the amount of love in our lives).

Every story would fall in one of the following categories (the category in bold is the one that we will discuss today):

  1. Fictional story of where we could have met someone today (fostering the mindset of possibility)

  2. Factual story of a love story (inspiring us from real life stories

  3. Insights/thoughts about love

LETS SEE WHAT LOVE HAS IN STORE FOR US TODAY - DAY 4 OF 365 DAYS. LETS KICK THIS OFF!


In the past 4 days of launching 365 Days of Love I have received so many messages from both women and men telling me that they are about to give up on finding love. This was alarming to me on numerous levels as when you give up on something so major in life it becomes the start to giving up on many other things including yourself and what you my dear deserve. So the short answer to everyone who is thinking about giving up on love, don’t. Don’t do it.

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As in everything in life we will always be experiencing the ebbs and flows of life. As a practicing muslim I was taught that it is natural for our heart to contract and expand, where we experience days where our heart is so open and you feel so close to God. Then there are days where your heart is contracted and you wonder where did those feelings go. But the truth that i’ve been taught is that God is always with us, during our expansions and contractions and that no matter where we are in life, He is our constant.

This concept got me also thinking of Love. Where some times we are filled with it, feeling it from all angels from our family to friends to strangers, then on the other extreme we experience days where we feel no love and wonder if we are alone and if we will stay that way for a while or even forever.

My message to you is simple: Trust in life to give you what you deserve, trust in yourself that you are worth it and let it go knowing that something bigger than you will take care of you. It’s okay to have days where you are contracted and this is in fact if you see it with a different perspective a beautiful opportunity to take your attention inward. Take the days of contraction to identify what is it that is contracting your heart, to work on training yourself to be more centered, to work on loving yourself more and to push harder to see that love is truly all around us if only we see clearer.


My advice is when you feel your heart contracted, try the following (they have really helped me):

  1. Go into a room alone and take 10 deep breaths.

  2. Take another 10 more deep breaths where in every inhale you visualize breathing in love and fullness and when you exhale visualize breathing out any negative thoughts you have.

  3. Then imagine yourself as a child version of you. Remember how a child is filled naturally with love, how the natural self is meant to be curious, to fall a million times and get up typically without having scarred the inner self. Really feel that inner child and bring it back to life in your present day because children are truly a reminder of how we were meant to live life, without scars or negativity but rather with hope, light and love.

  4. Then with that child mindset go out and do something you’ve never done before. However small such as baking a new recipe or walking down a new road but go do something new. As you do it work hard on being present and try to train yourself not to think of other things (as adults do) but to be fully present in this one new thing (as a child does).

Wherever you are know that you are special, you are loved and that you are not alone. Never give up most importantly on yourself, love, and all the beautiful things that life has in store for you.



With Lots of Love,

Aida

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