Contributed by: Anonymous woman
Story from: Canada
When I was a kid, I fell in love with the idea of marriage and of having a husband. I truly thought marriage equals love and love is marriage. And that's all the love I'll ever need to feel whole.
As I grew into a teenager and an adult I daydreamed of myself waiting for my future husband in our future home wearing a sexy dress with perfect hair, skin and makeup while also having a meal prepared on our future dining table. I fell in love with that idea.
I was preparing myself to be a perfect wife.
I learned how to cook, I searched for the best ways to please my future husband in bed and I searched for sexy outfits to wear. I also made sure I always dressed modestly and looked like a perfect innocent girl while I was out in the world. I didn't talk to too many guys because my future husband wouldn't be happy with it. I saved my intimate self, my virginity and made sure I was pure for him. That's all I focused on as a teenager and in my early 20's. I was ready and determined that getting married and having kids were my ultimate goals in life.
It's not until I actually got married that I realized how stupid and naive it was for me to build myself to be the perfect wife instead of me building myself to be the best version of myself. I didn't love myself. I was full of insecurities. I was defined by how people, specifically men, perceived me.
When I got married, I was on full service duty. I did everything and enjoyed it. I acted dumb. I acted cute. I acted sexy. I just did everything I thought men would like. I was obedient. I listened and did not argue. I followed directions without thinking. I stayed small and didn't cause any trouble. Even with me basically being a servant, my husband didn't seem happy and was becoming more disconnected and distant everyday . I felt like something was missing.
WHAT WAS MISSING?
I eventually found out that my husband was having extra marital affairs and my life CRUMBLED! How could this be? How? I prepared for this man almost all my life. I prepared myself to be the best goddamn wife a man can ever ask for. How can he do this? My heart broke and shattered to pieces. My whole reality was shook. Why was I told all my life since I was a kid that I needed to be a perfect girl so that I’m marriage material.
Why was the whole focus of my growth to be the best wife?
Why wasn't I told to pursue my dreams?
To love myself?
To enjoy life?
Why was I told that I had to save myself for this one man?
I wasn't allowed to travel or do a lot of things until I got married. What kind of life is that? Why do some parents teach their daughters that their only goal in life is to get married, have kids and take care of their homes? To strive to serve and please? What happens to us girls/women? We eventually lose ourselves. We wake up years later questioning where our time has gone? And what have we done with all that time and with ourselves?
* * *
Now that I am years away from the traumatic experience of infidelity, I can say that God put me in that position to teach me a lesson. And that lesson is:
I am not on this earth to serve people. Losing yourself in someone else isn't love. The only love that will never hurt is the love of God and love of thyself.
I learned the hard way that I needed to love myself and needed to take care of myself. That I needed to have my own ambitions, own goals, and own opinions. It's okay for me to fight for what I want. It's okay for me to speak up. It's okay for me to advocate for myself.
It took hard work to get to where I am today. I will no longer disrespect myself. I will no longer hate myself. I will no longer act dumb. I will no longer SHUT UP. I will no longer be taken advantage of. I am a woman with a voice. I am a powerful woman. I am a women with passion, ambition and goals. I believe in myself more than I ever have. This heartbreak made me put myself on a pedestal above anyone else in my life because without taking care of me and making myself whole, I don't have much to offer this world.
With all that said, learning self love and compassion has healed me, lots of work from both sides and personal development. I am still married to the man that hurt me and we have never been happier.
Don't ever lose yourself.
Don't ever live your life for someone else.
Don't ever prepare yourself for someone that you'll meet in the future.
Work on yourself to become the person that you would be proud of in the future.
Love yourself because to be honest, you can't love anyone more than you love yourself. If you want to deeply love the people around you, then you must first deeply fall in love with yourself.
This is Aida, Founder of 365 Days of Love <3
First, a big thank you to the inspiring woman for sharing her story. This story hit my heart so deeply I teared multiple times because for many years I thought my purpose and my self needs to be molded into making my future man happy and I forgot myself along the way. As this beautiful woman says you . are . enough. Love yourself first. then all else will follow.
Second a big thank you to YOU for reading this and taking the time to care for yourself, your heart and your life. If you enjoyed this and have a story or thoughts on love that you would like to share please get in touch (button below). We have 333 more articles to share and we hope to hear from you!
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With Lots of Love,